The sentiment above (origin unknown) has popped up on various social networking sites innumerable times in the last couple of years.\u00a0 In general, I agree with it.\u00a0 What strikes me with the most intensity, however, is the last line:\u00a0 \u201cIf you don\u2019t mutter under your breath, \u2018I hate you\u2019 at least once in your life, I am not doing my job properly.\u201d<\/p>\n
Hoo-boy!\u00a0 Most parents will never forget hearing those words for the first time.\u00a0 They hit the recipient like a knife dipped in poison, stuck into that parent\u2019s gullet, and then twisted with a strength and ferocity which he or she never before could have believed that child possessed! I say this with first-hand experience.\u00a0 Having had four children, the \u201cI hate you\u201d line is something I heard from each of them at least once.\u00a0 Some parents hear it early on.\u00a0 When spoken at the age of four or so, it is associated with a child\u2019s nascent understanding of emotions.\u00a0 The four-year-old boy or girl \u201cloves\u201d ice cream (or Tonka toys, American Girl dolls, Max and Ruby cartoon shows, etc.) and \u201chates\u201d red cabbage (or black jelly beans, picking toys up from the floor, having a shampoo, or bedtime).\u00a0 They express these two emotions with equal fervor whether applying them to inanimate objects, activities, or (unfortunately) other individuals.\u00a0 You see, they really don\u2019t understand the complexities of either love or hatred.\u00a0 So, while the first time we hear the words \u201cI love you\u201d from a child, we melt with love ourselves, we do have to remind ourselves that their love is simple, unencumbered by responsibility.\u00a0 Similarly, when we hear \u201cI hate you,\u201d we react negatively, forgetting in that moment that the child\u2019s understanding of hatred is rudimentary, too.\u00a0 All parents, though \u2013 and all mothers, in particular \u2013 do not seem to react to that first \u201cI hate you\u201d in the same way most do.\u00a0 My dear friend Judy recently reminded me that when her young son, denied something he wanted, declared quite audibly and furiously that he hated her, she had to struggle to keep a straight face.\u00a0 In her most dignified and ladylike Southern accent, she responded, \u201cWell, then, let\u2019s go to Wal-Mart and get you a new mama!\u201d\u00a0 Her son, at first visibly startled, then looked at her in horror and squealed, \u201cNooooooo!\u201dIt\u2019s the \u201cI hate you\u201d murmured by teenagers (and usually accompanied by a dramatic roll of the eyes) that might be cause for a bit more concern because, presumably, teenagers possess a deeper understanding of what love and hate entail.\u00a0 Well, at least one would hope that they do.\u00a0 On second thought, perhaps they do not.\u00a0 After all, most teens are notorious for falling in and out of love faster than they can text their plans for the evening to a friend.\u00a0 Such fickleness would indicate an incomplete development of either emotion.\u00a0 That said, a parent\u2019s response to a teenager\u2019s declaration of hatred would be far different from the response he or she would make to a preschooler.\u00a0 I can\u2019t say that I ever heard any of my four children say that they hated me as teenagers.\u00a0 But perhaps I have a selective memory.\u00a0 Surely at least one of them did so, but I was probably too busy listening to a younger child gagging on red cabbage to have heard the older one.<\/p>\n
WHATEVER<\/i>\u00a0(as teenagers still say occasionally), most of us parents of adult children who survived such episodes have kids who turned out just fine.\u00a0 Oh, sure:\u00a0 Some of them will still say they love ice cream and hate black jelly beans, but when it comes to loving other people, they fully appreciate the real deal.<\/p>\n
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.<\/span>” mce_’ + path + ‘\\” + prefix + ‘:’ + addy72671 + ‘\\’>’+addy_text72671+'<\\\/a>’; \/\/–><\/p>\n Copyright \u00a9 2012, DPNLIVE \u2013 All Rights Reserved<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Letter\u00a0from\u00a0America The sentiment above (origin unknown) has popped up on various social networking sites innumerable times in the last couple<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9919,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[73,74],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9918","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-and-style","category-living-in-usa"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9918","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9918"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9918\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9920,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9918\/revisions\/9920"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9919"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9918"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9918"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9918"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}