For the past couple of days, some of my friends have reminded me that National Grammar Day came and went in early March without my paying any particular homage to it.\u00a0 Honestly, whatever do they think of me?\u00a0 I am about as close to being a captain on the Grammar Police Force as I am to being a dog whisperer, tap-dance instructor, member of European royalty, or star of my own reality show.<\/p>\n
In my opinion, I much more closely resemble a somewhat officious Grammar Safety Patrol Girl, issuing pithily and pitilessly worded but toothless demerits to the offenders I come across as I stroll, fashionably sashed, down the school hallway of life. \u00a0\u00a0Just prior to National Grammar Day, I did permit myself to vent after reading sentences containing \u201cquaffed head\u201d and \u201csullen hair\u201d in two different (and otherwise rather enjoyable) books.\u00a0 How on God\u2019s green earth could any copy editor worth his paycheck have neglected to correct these remains beyond my comprehension.<\/p>\n
Grammar mistakes in dialogue rarely cause me any heartburn because I fully recognize that, in spoken language, all but the purists among us make occasional mistakes. \u00a0Writing dialogue is difficult for a purist but he or she has to write the words as a character in a book would utter them. Take \u201clay\u201d and \u201clie,\u201d for example.\u00a0 Few people get that right, so I\u2019d expect to see these two words mangled frequently in written dialogue.\u00a0 That said, however, I do expect the professional writer who employs either of these in\u00a0narrative<\/span>portions of a book to use each correctly.\u00a0 So sue me.<\/p>\n If I wallowed in my displeasure each and every time I discovered an egregious error in a book, a blog, an advertisement, a grocery store circular, or a bible, I\u2019d be reaching for an antacid every 20 minutes.\u00a0 By the way, if you don\u2019t believe me about the Bible, just look up the\u00a0Bug Bible<\/i>, the\u00a0Treacle Bible<\/i>, the\u00a0Place-Maker Bible<\/i>\u00a0(which contains more than one error), and the\u00a0Owl Bible<\/i>, among others. Probably the most infamous of Bible booboos is contained in the\u00a0Wicked Bible<\/i>\u00a0(also called the\u00a0Sinner\u2019s Bible<\/i>\u00a0and the\u00a0Adulterous Bible<\/i>), in which an essential word was omitted.\u00a0 In Exodus 20:14, the printer neglected to insert the word \u201cnot,\u201d thus rendering a commandment as \u201cThou\u00a0shalt commit<\/span>adultery!\u201d\u00a0 The printers were fined a hefty sum when their mistake was noted and all but a few copies of the book were destroyed.<\/p>\n Some of the errors in those bibles resulted from mistranslations, not necessarily by bad copy editing or poor typesetters, but a few of them had to have been caused by a scribe who was off his game one day while performing his quill-and-ink duties.\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe an insolent but perfectly quaffed trollop distracted him with a toss of her sullen hair as she passed the window of the monastery in which he toiled.\u00a0 Maybe a cat was laying down on the scroll he was attempting to copy. \u00a0Or maybe\u2014just maybe\u2014the scribe was a garden-variety trouble maker, hell bent on making mischief.\u00a0 I like to think it was the trollop.<\/p>\n I am not always annoyed by errors in grammar or inappropriate word placement.\u00a0 A great source of amusement to the reader in me exists in signage. An illuminated sign outside a grocery store recently announced to the public:<\/p>\n NOW HIRING<\/span><\/p>\n HAMS<\/span><\/p>\n $10.99<\/span><\/p>\n I immediately envisioned a bunch of teenagers from the high school drama club flocking to the store to fill out employment applications.\u00a0 (Who among them\u00a0wouldn\u2019t<\/span>claim to be a ham in order to bag groceries at a few bucks above minimum wage?) I further imagined myself shopping there after the club members were all hired.\u00a0 While bagging my groceries, the kids would break into song-and-dance routines, eliciting smiles from all present and uplifting their more sober-sided fellow employees.\u00a0 I\u2019d no doubt return day after day to pick up unneeded items\u2014diapers, dill pickles, denture adhesive, hamster chow, almond chocolate milk, foam hair curlers, and institution-sized blocks of limburger cheese\u2014just for the free entertainment. Shoppers all over town would do the same. Sales would soar.\u00a0 Other stores would jump on the bandwagon and, before stage-struck baggers all over the U.S.A. could belt out a chorus of \u201cProud To Be An American,\u201d our nation\u2019s economy would recover from its slump.\u00a0 What a country!<\/p>\n Finally, a note to all who just haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad to remind me about National Grammar Day: While I\u2019ll continue to support the mission of the Grammar Safety Patrol, I solemnly promise to issue fewer demerits henceforth.\u00a0 After all, I\u2019d like to retain the small circle of friends I still have.\u00a0 I\u2019ve probably scared too many away already.<\/p>\n By Cara Sheridan O\u2019Donnell<\/p>\n This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.<\/span>” mce_’ + path + ‘\\” + prefix + ‘:’ + addy33754 + ‘\\’>’+addy_text33754+'<\\\/a>’; \/\/–><\/p>\n Follow us on Twitter – @DigiPrintNews<\/p>\n