<\/p>\n
I recently attended a Parent: Teachers meeting. If ever an event was poorly named, this is it. It\u2019s not really a meeting at all, more an assault on your self-worth.<\/p>\n
During this bi-annual humiliation, the first thing to be worked out is the schedule. Which teachers do you need to see and in which room are they holding court? In order to do this you have to know\u00a0(a)<\/b>\u00a0what subjects your kid is doing\u00a0(b)<\/b>\u00a0the specific teachers names\u00a0(c)<\/b>\u00a0have an inbuilt GPS which directs you around school corridors painted in identical colours, filled with dishevelled parents who are similarly lost. But, hey, you\u2019re smart and will eventually figure it out.<\/p>\nQueue Talk:<\/b><\/h3>\n
Then you sit \u2018on the queue\u2019 and invariably strike up a conversation with the mother\/father\/guardian beside you. In Clontarf, a suburb of Dublin, these people can be described, as the \u2018Educational Taliban\u2019 such is their fundamentalist belief that securing 625 points in the Leaving Certificate (last year exams in Irish Secondary schools) is the gateway to all future happiness. Interestingly, it also doubles as a personal \u2018score\u2019 of their parental ability. They tell me stuff like:\u00a0\u201cOh, it\u2019s such a dilemma. Clive\/Rosheen (delete as appropriate) does not know whether to do Nuclear Physics in Oxford or go straight into medical research in the Mayo Clinic\u201d<\/i>. I feel like saying:\u00a0\u201cI had a similar dilemma myself recently. I wasn\u2019t sure whether to bring my kid to Beaumont A&E (ER) to get his stomach pumped after another wild 18th birthday party or take him straight to Lomans\u2019 Mental Hospital for a full Psychiatric assessment. It\u2019s so hard to make those calls, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/i>\u00a0But politeness stops me from saying anything of the sort. I fake active listening while figuring out how to murder my child without being apprehended by the police or, at the very least, getting the charge<\/p>\nLong Chat:<\/b><\/h3>\n
Then you meet couples that both want to talk to every teacher. No \u2018divide and conquer\u2019 to lessen the time involved. Oh no. They have zero problem taking a day off work to figure out the minutiae of how their child prodigy performed in the History of Art mock exams and an almost hysterical need to visually inspect every artefact he ever created\u00a0(\u201cIf he concentrated on the grass as well as the Serengeti animals, would that attention to detail be worth additional marks in the Art practical module, section B, sub-section 2.7?\u201d)<\/i>. They don\u2019t give a huge amount of thought to the 38 people waiting patiently behind them as each \u2018visit\u2019 with a teacher takes up about a weekend of dialogue. Perhaps it just seems that long when you can predict the \u2018script\u2019 for your own kid. Eventually, the top of the queue appears and it\u2019s my turn for \u2018feedback\u2019. Jesus, my heart sinks as the parental version of B.O.H.I.C.A. beckons (Bend Over, Here It Comes Again).<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.dpnlive.com\/images\/stories\/graphics2\/education.gif\")
Next Year:<\/b><\/h3>\n
Next year I\u2019m going to re-engineer the process. I\u2019m getting a professionally edited DVD with pre-recorded messages:\u00a0\u201cSmart but lazy\u201d;<\/i>\u00a0\u201cGreat personality, but doesn\u2019t do a tap\u201d;<\/i>\u00a0\u201cMassively underperforming versus his\/her potential\u201d<\/i>. It will feature an \u00fcber modern background rap sung by the X Factor finalists. Then, when I get to the top of each queue, I\u2019m going to give the teachers the following instruction:\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t say a word. Just watch\u201d<\/i>\u00a0and hit the return key. A brief nod of acknowledgement as the music fades and I silently walk away. Yes! It should work really well for all concerned. Roll on 2014.<\/p>\nDeep Understanding:<\/b><\/h3>\n
So, why are my kid\u2019s gobshites? Well, personally, I blame their mother (coincidentally, Linda doesn\u2019t read this blog!). And, why have they copied my terrible example in massively underperforming at secondary school? Why can\u2019t they just be\u2026. well brilliant like all those other perfect kids I keep hearing about? Perhaps my laissez-faire stance could be described as the \u2018Emily Dickinson\u2019 school of parenting:<\/p>\n
\u2018The props assist the house, until the house is built. And then the props withdraw. And adequate, erect. The house supports itself. And ceases to recollect. The auger and the carpenter\u2019.<\/i><\/p>\n
Oh the joys of parenting teenagers. Perhaps in western civilization there may be a \u2018missing ritual\u2019. Couldn\u2019t I just send them down the country somewhere to kill a Friesian cow or do a bungee jump off the cliffs in Howth? Then they would come back \u2018all grown up\u2019 overnight.<\/p>\n
Is there a message in all of this angst? Yes, there is. Trying to control every single element of your life sets you up for a lot of disappointment. John C. Maxwell, an expert on leadership, said:\u00a0\u201cPeople don\u2019t care how much you know until they know how much you care\u201d.<\/i>\u00a0I hope that my kids (and your staff) know how much we actually care about them. Even when everything is not going \u2018swimmingly\u2019, it\u2019s our job to be there and support. Sometimes, that\u2019s all that\u2019s needed. In the meantime, I\u2019m clinging to the Jewish philosophy \u2013\u00a0\u201cthis too will pass\u201d<\/i>. And I\u2019m praying that this\u00a0tunnel<\/i>\u00a0will have a light at the end (and it\u2019s not actually a cave).<\/p>\n
See you in the pub!<\/p>\n
By Paul Mooney (PHD)<\/p>\n
Mob: 00353 (0) 872439019<\/p>\n
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