Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.<\/p>\n
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.<\/p>\n
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.<\/p>\n
If you have multiple personality syndromes, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.<\/p>\n
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.<\/p>\n
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.<\/p>\n
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.<\/p>\n
If you are manic depressive, it doesn’t matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.<\/p>\n
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.<\/p>\n
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.<\/p>\n
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s and grandmother’s maiden names.<\/p>\n
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.<\/p>\n
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, Or before the beep, Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.<\/p>\n
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.<\/p>\n
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Ellen Neumann<\/p>\n
Copyright \u00a9 2011, DPNLIVE \u2013 All Rights Reserved<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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