{"id":10125,"date":"2023-11-23T20:49:54","date_gmt":"2023-11-23T20:49:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/?p=10125"},"modified":"2023-11-23T20:50:34","modified_gmt":"2023-11-23T20:50:34","slug":"one-liners","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/2023\/11\/23\/one-liners\/","title":{"rendered":"ONE LINERS"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>So much to do. So few people to do it for me.<\/li>\n<li>The thought of terror frightens me.<\/li>\n<li>You can&#8217;t teach people to be lazy. They either have it or they don&#8217;t.<\/li>\n<li>If at first you don&#8217;t succeed, see if the loser gets anything.<\/li>\n<li>The older you get the better you get &#8211; unless you&#8217;re a banana.<\/li>\n<li>Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.<\/li>\n<li>Early to bed, early to rise. Work like hell and advertise.<\/li>\n<li>Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there&#8217;s a 90% chance of getting it wrong.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;ve got enough money saved for the rest of my life &#8211; unless I want to buy something.<\/li>\n<li>Ninety percent of politics is deciding who to blame.<\/li>\n<li>Hello fellow telepaths. You&#8217;re fine, how am I?<\/li>\n<li>If money won&#8217;t make you happy, you won&#8217;t like poverty either.<\/li>\n<li>If your dog is fat, you probably aren&#8217;t getting enough exercise.<\/li>\n<li>Dogs have masters &#8211; cats have servants.\n<ul>\n<li>If ignorance is bliss, I guess that would explain why I&#8217;m so miserable.<\/li>\n<li>My Dad&#8217;s religious. That is, if football is a religion.<\/li>\n<li>The trouble with life is that you&#8217;re half way through it before you realize it&#8217;s a do it yourself thing.<\/li>\n<li>If your parents never had children, chances are you won&#8217;t either.<\/li>\n<li>My road to success could do with less potholes.<\/li>\n<li>Individuality. Great in everything except police line-ups.<\/li>\n<li>Anything preying on my mind would starve to death.<\/li>\n<li>All the world&#8217;s a stage and I&#8217;ve got an obstructed view.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m still not sure I understand ambiguity.<\/li>\n<li>Space is an illusion. Disk space doubly so.<\/li>\n<li>If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?<\/li>\n<li>Never let facts get in the way of a good argument.<\/li>\n<li>There is nothing wrong with my car that money can&#8217;t fix.<\/li>\n<li><span class=\"easy_img_caption\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"lazy-loaded\" title=\"one-liners\" src=\"https:\/\/dpnlive.com\/images\/stories\/graphics2\/one-liners.jpg\" alt=\"one-liners\" width=\"350\" height=\"1029\" data-src=\"\/images\/stories\/graphics2\/one-liners.jpg\" data-jchll=\"true\" \/><span class=\"easy_img_caption_inner\">one-liners<\/span><\/span>Nothing in life can hurt you &#8211; except of course barbed wire, but that&#8217;s another story.<\/li>\n<li>Those who can, do. Those who can&#8217;t, simulate.<\/li>\n<li>Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer.<\/li>\n<li>May I refuse to inherit the earth?<\/li>\n<li>Never say, &#8220;oops!&#8221; Always say, &#8220;ah, interesting!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Age is only important when it comes to dead fish and good wine.<\/li>\n<li>If cars have horsepower, why don&#8217;t boats have fishpower?<\/li>\n<li>Is watching summer re-runs deja view?<\/li>\n<li>You learn something new everyday &#8211; if you&#8217;re not careful.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s a small world &#8211; but I wouldn&#8217;t want to mow it.<\/li>\n<li>A horse walks into a bar. The barman says &#8220;why the long face?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award because he was out standing in his field?<\/li>\n<li>Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen saying &#8216;Parking Fine.'&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Two aerials meet on a roof fall in love and get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was fantastic.<\/li>\n<li>What&#8217;s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.43. What is brown and sticky? A stick.<\/li>\n<li>What&#8217;s brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG<\/li>\n<li>What do Mexicans put under their carpets? Underlay, underlay!<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t take life too seriously, You&#8217;re not getting out alive.<\/li>\n<li>What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!<\/li>\n<li>With no walls or fences on the Internet, who needs Windows or Gates?<\/li>\n<li>I used to be schizophrenic, but we&#8217;re better now.<\/li>\n<li>I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do.<\/li>\n<li>Impotence: nature&#8217;s way of saying, &#8220;no hard feelings.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>People who claim that computers will make life easier for us have obviously never used one.<\/li>\n<li>Computers come in two styles: prototype and obsolete!<\/li>\n<li>With no walls or fences on the Internet, who needs Windows or Gates?<\/li>\n<li>To err is human&#8230; to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural.<\/li>\n<li>Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won&#8217;t bother you for weeks.<\/li>\n<li>File not found. Should I fake it? (Y\/N)<\/li>\n<li>Printer not ready. Do you have a pen?<\/li>\n<li>Managing programmers is like herding cats.<\/li>\n<li>Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.<\/li>\n<li>Computers aren&#8217;t intelligent, they only think they are.<\/li>\n<li>Married men should forget their mistakes; there&#8217;s no use in two people remembering the same thing!<\/li>\n<li>I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.<\/li>\n<li>I haven&#8217;t spoken to my wife for 18 months &#8211; I don&#8217;t like to interrupt her.<\/li>\n<li>Teamwork is essential &#8211; it allows you to blame someone else.<\/li>\n<li>Why is there braille on drive thru atm&#8217;s?<\/li>\n<li>I hate sex on tv, I keep falling off.<\/li>\n<li>Be Happy, Get Fat.<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m in shape. Round is shape.<\/li>\n<li>What kind of cameras do manic-depressives use? Bipolaroids!<\/li>\n<li>Did you hear about the guy who had a problem with short-term memory loss?<\/li>\n<li>I do not suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.<\/li>\n<li>Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?<\/li>\n<li>Hell wouldn&#8217;t have me&#8230; so I came back!!!<\/li>\n<li>Why do 24 hour stores have locks on their doors?<\/li>\n<li>Hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt!<\/li>\n<li>Afghans can\u2019t watch the news coz there\u2019s a teleban.<\/li>\n<li>You say I\u2019m a bitch &#8211; like its a bad thing?<\/li>\n<li>When I die I want to go in my sleep like my Grand father did, not screaming like the passengers in his car.<\/li>\n<li>Some people say I am crazy&#8230; but they have never seen me off my medication.<\/li>\n<li>So what if I&#8217;m a psycho? There is no cure for being normal!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Follow us on Twitter &#8211; @DigiPrintNews<\/p>\n<p>Like us on Facebook at\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/dpnlive\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\">www.facebook.com\/dpnlive<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So much to do. So few people to do it for me. The thought of terror frightens me. You can&#8217;t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10126,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[78,77],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10125","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-bit-of-fun","category-fun"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10125","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10125"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10125\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10127,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10125\/revisions\/10127"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10126"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10125"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10125"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.webhostlabs.net\/synergy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}