New Year resolutions you won’t be able to keep if you’re a nerd

16. I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, offline work done, too!

15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3am… 4.30am is much more practical.

14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”

13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.

11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.

10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.

9. I resolve to work with neglected children… my own.

8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.

7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.

6. I will stop using, “So, what’s your URL?” as a pick-up line.

5. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*

4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily… well, once a week… monthly, perhaps…

3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the internet.

2. I will limit my top 10 lists to 10 items.

1. I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.

By Ellen Neumann